If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin