So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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