I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
