i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am available for nakedness
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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