Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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