The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
