think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
