if i can run in heels then i can drive
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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