I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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