omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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