you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
