I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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