bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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