He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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