I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
