She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
