I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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