They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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