morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
