so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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