Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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