I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
