Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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