you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
