why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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