he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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