I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
