when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
