Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
