apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
