New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize