we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
