they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
