I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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