Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
