OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
