Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
