we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
wow bdsm is so cute
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
