yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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