He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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