My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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