Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
