Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
