This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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