Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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