Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
