wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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