well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
