maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Semen is not good for contacts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
