i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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