I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
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so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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