Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
