Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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