maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
