Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize