His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
