remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
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The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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