Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
