I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize