Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
