I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
