you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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