We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
